BLINDED BY THE LIGHT

Before AI2 started my brother-in-law passed away.  It was a very difficult time for our family.  It was a horrendous time for my sister.  One day I flipped through the channels and there was American Idol.  I needed a diversion.  I watched and I saw a light shining brightly.  Each week I looked forward to Tuesday and Wednesday and then one of those weeks I had a conversation on the phone with my sister.  As we tried to keep the talk light one of us mentioned AI.  “OH!” the other said “I love Clay” as the other squealed “me too.”  It turned out my mother was also watching and supporting Clay and we began our adventure together.  At Thanksgiving that year we all sat around the table and told each other what we were grateful for – this was a tough year and we we’re still grateful.  My grown son, after talking a minute or so, said “and I’m grateful for Clay Aiken.”  We all smiled and laughed a bit but later my mom pulled me aside and told me that she didn’t think my sister would have gotten through the year without Clay.  In many ways she was right because through Clay there was hope and there was light during a dark time.

When I hear criticism directed at Clay, when I hear people say they are disappointed in him,  when I hear people say that he is not who he says I think of those first moments and wonder – am I blinded by that light?

I read the Rolling Stone interview and saw what to me was unbelievable courage displayed by Clay.  I again saw hope and I saw light.  I heard someone who was willing to stay true to himself at any cost.  This was rare - it was what has been lacking - it was what we as a society needed.  It was a light among others that was beginning to shine brightly then and has not stopped.

Often when I hear the criticism, the disappointment, and the accusations I think of that interview, smile and wonder – am I blinded by that light?

Our family again was personally affected by the fact that The Bubel Aiken Foundation took on a cause that we were all too familiar with.  We were caretakers for a child during a time when if you took him into any public arena there would be finger pointing, snickering and sometimes brutal remarks.  Now Clay Aiken was going to pull people together to do something – the light of Inclusion was shining brightly.

The criticisms, the disappointments and the accusations that have been directed toward Clay and the BAF began to shake my foundation, my faith in humanity.  I knew the success that was taking place and I shook my head and wondered – am I being blinded by this light?

Through all of Clay’s appearances - all the times he has given his all - the enjoyment always seems to brighten my day.  Then I hear the criticism, the disappointment, the accusations and I wonder – all that joy – is it just me – am I blinded by the light?

When the tsunami hit Indonesia it was devastation that most of us haven’t seen in our lifetime.  I wanted so badly to do something.  Then I learned that Clay was going to go and offer comfort and aide.  I was so proud.  Again there was a light shining in the midst of a very dark time. 

Of course the criticism came -  A little slower but it was there - the disappointment, the accusations.  I thought is there nothing that will stop this or am I just blinded by this light too?

Uganda  – we were all in the dark not knowing what was happening.  There was the criticism, there was the disappointment, the accusations and then there was the picture.  The small hand of a Ugandan child was clutching onto a man who was there – bringing light.  We learned that it was for security reasons that no information was given.   I didn’t care - I was blinded by the light.

I will not attempt to understand why there is such a need by some to be critical of Clay.  Maybe if he was a man without integrity, maybe if his goodness did not shine through, maybe if he didn’t care about his fans, maybe if he was cruel, or sour, or lewd, or vulgar – but then there wouldn’t be any light to be blinded by and I wouldn’t be here.

I have one more thought that pulls my heart apart every time I see a criticism or hear of disappointment, or catch an accusation.  Clay is now a part of a unique group of Americans – a military family.  Military families are people who deserve every bit of support, as much grace as we can supply and allegiance.  It is their son or daughter or sister or brother who is standing in the gap for us and we owe them.  We owe them a lot.

So whether blinded by what Clay did unknowingly for you personally, or by what he has purposely set out to do for kids with disabilities, or by the joy he brings when he sings, or by the light he brings into disaster areas, or by the compassion that we see when he smiles at a child, or by the light of a grateful heart for his family’s sacrifice we could all, each of us, step into some part of this light the next time we want to correct him.  Maybe the next time he doesn’t meet an expectation we could look at this man’s life and the good that is in it before we seek to alter it.  Instead of accusing we could look at our own hearts and decide how bright of a light is shining there before we make an accusation about Clay’s that can never be taken back.