Man, what a day this is gonna be. Casey was up most of the night sick and hurting. I told her this was gonna happen but, she kept pleading for just a little more time. I know the Internet gives Casey so much joy but darn those Claymates for keeping her up when she needs to rest. Now the day is going to be filled with doctors, hospitals and nurses once again. I should just pull the plug on that whole Internet thing. I would but it is the only time I see true joy and excitement in her eyes now a days. This cancer has taken a huge toll on her. I guess when she goes online her cancer is forgotten; her meds and treatments are forgotten. No one can see what the ravages of her disease have done to her. She is a “Claymate” and has fallen in love with a Mr. Clay Aiken. I have to admit he is a real cutie. I will never forget the day a squeal can from her room that could have broken glass. I ran to her thinking she was having another bad spell and I was scared to death!

She was watching this show American Idol. She looks up at me and says, "Mom, listen to this guys voice. It is like an angel." After I caught my breath I stood there and listened as Clay sang “Someone Else’s Star” . He was good but Lord…she scared me to death. So that is the way Mr. Aiken became part of our daily lives.

Dear Journal,

I was right! Casey had to stay in the hospital. It breaks my heart to see my beautiful daughter suffer so much. I would take it from her if I could. I ran home to get some clothes and necessities for yet another hospital stay. Oh, and Casey made me promise I would check her emails and to let people know that she would not be online for awhile.

I know little about the Internet so this is gonna be a pain. I just got off the Internet and I am sobbing so hard I can barely write this. I checked my daughter’s emails. I figured out how to open them and what I found inside filled me with such emotion words can’t describe.

They were lighthearted chatter about Clay Aiken. I clicked on reply & informed the sender that Casey was in the hospital and would not be online for awhile. Seconds after I sent the email an IM comes up. It was a gal that Casey was “Claymates” with. She asked about Casey and said she was so sorry and that she would be praying for her. I thanked her and was about to close the IM when another one came up. The person on the other end said much the same. Then another and another. Before I knew it I was directed to a chatroom filled with Casey’s online friends. They were all so concerned and offered their prayers. In that room at that moment I saw why my Casey longed to spend all the time she could on the Internet. These wonderful people, people that Casey had never nor ever would meet, were offering her so much support & love. Her Dad and I have been so wrapped up in just keeping our little girl alive, we had little time or energy to make sure she stayed happy. These people had stepped in and filled that void. I will be forever in their debt.

Dear Journal,

Good News!!!

Casey came home today!!!!!  We made it though another episode. We helped Casey to her room and she headed straight to her computer. (Surprise…Surprise…lol). I am so happy that Casey has found a ray of sunlight during this dark time of her life. Casey is calling so I will stop writing for now.

Dear Journal,

Casey has just informed me that “Her Man Clay” just announced that he will be doing a tour. She said it was called the Jukebox Tour. She was so excited. She did not ask me if she could go but I know she would love it. Casey knows how we struggle to keep up with all the medical expenses and she would not want to add more. It breaks my heart that my daughter worries about our finances. I will talk to her daddy about the tour and we will figure out a way to get her there. OK, I need to get back to work.

Dear Journal,

Casey gave us a list of dates, times & venues for the Jukebox Tour today. Man, the closest one is over 100 miles away. Not only will that trip take a toll on my daughter it is gonna not only stretch but it will break my budget. She also said that Clay’s fan club is gonna have a drawing for “meet and greets”. I was informed that a meet and greet is where you get to meet Mr. Aiken in person. She tried but could not contain her excitement at the prospect of meeting Clay. Now the pressure is on. I have to find a way to get her there. I think Clay has done concerts in the past but that was when we first found out about Casey’s disease and she was much to sick too go. I pray things work out so we can get her there. I think it would give her a much needed lift. Well, back to work.

Dear Journal,

I did it!!!! I got Casey and I tickets to the Jukebox Tour. I wish I could have gotten one for her daddy too but we just could not swing it. I just told Casey the news and I thought she would just burst. It was such a joy to give my sweet girl such a gift. The look in her eyes and the smile on her face makes all the sacrifices we will have to make in order to take her worth it. She went straight to the computer to sign up for a meet and greet. I know her chances of winning are very slim but I just can’t say anything to bring her down from her excitement. Ok, I need to get to work to pay for those tickets.

Dear Journal,

Today has been a very hard day for Casey. She started on a new treatment plan last week and it is wreaking havoc on her already tired body. The doctors tell us that these treatments may be Casey’s magic bullet. They seem confident that this will work and save our daughters life. While my hope is high, I have heard this before only to be crushed when the treatments failed to work for her. My faith is strong but it is so hard to maintain that faith sometimes when I can see her failing. On top of her being so sick we found out today that she would not be winning a meet and greet. She took the news like a trooper but I could see the disappointment in her eyes. At this point I would have done about anything to have secured a meet and greet for her. At least she will be able to see the man that has brought so much joy to her life at a time when she really needed it. I had no idea that you could meet a real friend over the Internet but Casey has found many true friends there and in fact I made a new friend too. It was a lady that Casey had been talking to about Clay. I had met her that night when Casey had me check her email. When I found out she was my age I thought….. Why in the world would a woman my age befriend a 17- year- old girl? But, I soon found out that in the “Claynation” there are no age, race, or social barriers. They are just people that love the same man….Mr. Clayton Aiken. My daughter says, "Mom, watch out you are almost “Clayverted”! What? “Clayverted!" Me?

I will admit the more I learn about Clay Aiken the more I am impressed at not only his golden voice but by how beautiful his heart is. But I am not willing to be crowned a “Claymate”. LOL. I am gonna be late for work so, I will write more later.

Dear Journal,

Well, tomorrow is the day. Casey will get to see Clay Aiken live and in person. While she is excited, she has been very sick also. I asked her if still she felt up to going. Her reply, "Mom, No way would I miss this." I had to laugh at myself for ever asking the question. I am saying extra prayers tonight that God give Casey the strength for this trip.

I need to stop writing and start getting things ready for tomorrow. Casey has signed us up for some kind of pre-party so we will have to leave early.

Dear Journal,

We're back! Wow! Is the most eloquent word I can think of. Lol. We started the day with much excitement. The drive down went smoothly. Casey tolerated it very well. “Thank You, God”. We arrived at the pre-party to find so many Claymates. It was amazing. We ordered our lunch and sat back. They had Clay Games, Clay Prizes, Clay Memorabilia, and even a Clay Auction. Oh, and to my surprise and bewilderment they even had Flat Clay there to take Pictures with. Lol  It was one of the best times I have had in my life and Casey was beaming. We met so many wonderful people at that party. One of the gals we met had front row tickets and had won a “Golden” meet and greet. She spent a lot of time talking with us and one thing led to another. Before long she knew our life stories. Lol We only had fourth row seats but I felt so proud of myself for being able to get Casey that close. I decided that Casey really needed to have some rest before the main event so we said our goodbyes and went to the hotel room. Casey fell asleep almost before her head hit the pillow. I sat back and watched my daughter sleep. How blessed I am to have such a loving selfless daughter. She has taught me more about faith, love and hope since she was first diagnosed then I had learned all my life. I woke Casey up and we got ready for the show. The venue was wonderful. I saw every Clay T-shirt in the world I think. When we walked into the venue the first thing we saw was a man selling programs. They were $20.00!! I saw Casey quickly look away when she saw me looking at her. Little did she know that her daddy had sent money for not only a program but for a T-shirt. I took her hand, walked right up to the man and said, "One please. Oh, and Casey pick out a T-shirt." I thought Casey’s face might split open from the huge smile. She turned to me tears in her eyes and said, "I love you Mom." For me the day was made. I felt like I was on cloud nine for being able to make my daughter so happy. I only wish her dad could have been here to see her. By the time we made it to our seats I could tell that Casey was very tired. I knew there was gonna be little chance that Casey would be able so stand for the concert. After all we had done to get her here she would not be able to see Clay because of course all the other fans were excited and would stand for most of if not all of the concert. The venue was filled with Claymates. You could feel the excitement in the air. Then it started. As I thought, everyone was on their feet. Casey stood up but I could tell it would not be for long. After the first song was sung Casey had to sit. The next song started and I remained seated beside my daughter holding her hand. Her eyes were closed and tears streamed from her face as a huge smile came across her face. I watched in amazement. I wondered  what wonderful place her mind had gone to as Clay sang one song after another. The intermission came and Casey and I sat and talked to some of the people around us. Intermission was over and Clay came out and was talking and joking around. The intro music to Mandy began to play. I remembered back to my younger years when that song first came out. Man, I loved that song. LoL  Instead of singing when the song should have started Clay said, "Lets do this another way." The crowd screamed with excitement. Casey was moving around in her seat to catch a glimpse of what Clay was doing. Clay got one of those folding metal chairs and placed it on the stage next to the stairs that came down to the audience. Then to everyone’s surprise he starts coming down the stairs to the audience. I said, "Look Casey, Clay is coming down." By this time the crowd was going nuts. Clay was walking down the center aisle. I was happy because Casey was going to be able to see Clay up close. I helped her to her feet and she was so excited. Clay stopped at our aisle and started talking. He said that at the meet and greets today he had the pleasure of meeting an amazing woman that told him an amazing story. The venue was almost silent. Clay starts singing Mandy and the crowd goes crazy. When he gets to the part "Oh Mandy",  He sings "Oh Casey!!!!" He held his hand out to my daughter!! I stood like a deer caught in headlights! Casey held her hand out and as if she had just had an energy boost, she stood. Clay took her hand and started leading her from her seat. I could only sit there in shock. Clay was singing to my Casey!! He walked slowly with her as they made there way to the stage. Clay helped Casey up the stairs and to that metal folding chair. She sat and he knelt to finish the song. The crowd was so wild at this point I could only stand there crying. After the song was over, Clay hugged her and kissed her cheek. He said, "Meet my new friend Casey." Casey was beaming! He announced that Casey was going to remain in the VIP seat for the remainder of the concert!!! I stood for the rest of that concert and although Clay was shinning on stage and his voice was golden all I could do was watch my wonderful daughter. I wish I could have frozen those moments in time. The way my daughter looked at this man was amazing. She absorbed every song, every move, every everything into her memory like a sponge. After the concert a man came to me and said that Mr. Aiken would like to meet with Casey  if she felt up to it. (Duh, YES!) I told the man it would be our pleasure. The man lead us back stage. Casey sat down and in a few minutes Clay comes out. He hurries over offering hugs. He asks if we enjoyed the show. Casey is in shock so I chime in with it was Spectacular! I asked him. How? Why?

He told us that earlier today he had the pleasure of meeting a wonderful woman and when he asked her what she had for him to sign this was her reply. "Clay, I have been looking forward to meeting you for so long and was thrilled when I won this meet and greet. Instead of taking time to have you sign some stuff and take pictures may I tell you a story?" Clay said this really caught his attention and said sure you can. The woman went on to tell Clay all about Casey, her disease and her love for his music but most of all for the love and hope he gives to so many. Clay listened as this giving woman gave up her time with him to talk about Casey. He was so moved by her selflessness he embraced her, signed all she had and took several pictures with her. Clay said after the meet and greets were over he went to his trailer and thought about how wonderful his fans are. How much they give him each day. He would honor this woman’s act of kindness with a little kindness of his own. I was so touched when he told the story I was bawling like a baby by the time he was done and we saw some tears in his eyes as well. We all embraced in a group hug and as Clay was leaving Casey struck silent for so long said, "God Bless You, Clay." Clay turns blows her a kiss and says, "God Bless You, Casey." We turned to each other in utter disbelief and walked stunned in silence to the car. Once inside we could only cry and hug each other. Today was one of the happiest days in Casey’s young life. The thought of this huge star taking time for my child was almost unbelievable to me. After a few minutes our minds caught up with reality and we both began talking a mile a minute. Casey said, "Hurry home, Mama, we have to wake daddy up and tell him everything.  Then I will have to post this all on the Internet! Gone were all thoughts of her illness. In that moment she was a healthy giddy teenager about ready to bust over her adventure. To the lady that was so wonderful to tell Clay about Casey…. I do not know you but you will be forever in my prayers and I owe you a debt that I could never repay. To Mr. Clay Aiken…. I think Casey summed it up best, "God Bless You, Clay."  I guess Casey was not wishing on “Someone Else’s Star” after all.

Dear Journal,

Today is the BEST day of my life!!! The doctors were right about Casey’s new treatment being her magic bullet. She is now officially cancer FREE!!!!!  Praise The Lord!!!