Sometimes all it takes to heal a heart or soothe a soul is something simple, like a poem, a story, or a song.  In my case it was a song.  A song sung by Clay Aiken.

 

I had just gotten home from the hospital, having had a malignant tumor removed.  The tumor was found on my birthday, which at the time seemed awful, but now it seems like the best birthday present I could ever have received.  Finding a tumor early is a good thing, whether it’s on your birthday or not.

 

I was so glad to get home, but I was tired, hurting, and not looking forward to chemo.  With chemo you don’t really know exactly what to expect.  Will I get sick or not?  Will I lose my hair?  Please don’t lose my hair.  Will it help or will the cancer return?  There are so many things that are so stressful and for which there are no answers until you begin the chemo.  I was really scared.

 

My family had all gone to bed this particular night and I could not sleep.  I slipped into the room where our computer was and went online to check on news about my favorite American Idol, Clay Aiken.  It was just a handful of months after he had come in 2nd and I had missed quite a bit being in the hospital.  I probably should not have been sitting there at the computer for so long, at least that’s what my family told me a day or so before.  But I really wanted to know what was going on with him, especially concerning the release of his upcoming CD, “Measure of a Man”.   All of Clay’s fans could hardly wait for his first CD to be released.

 

I was excited to see that the snippets of the songs on his CD were online.  I could hardly wait to listen.  I had only heard one of the songs that would be on the CD, “Invisible”.  I loved Clay’s voice, so I knew I would love the other songs and couldn’t wait to hear each tune, every word.  I immediately began to listen.

 

One song from the CD was called "I Will Carry You".  There was only a portion of the song to listen to, but the words and melody spoke right to my situation.  More than I ever could have imagined.

 

Yeah I know it hurts,

Yeah I know you're scared

Walking down the road that leads to who knows where.

Don't you hang your head,

Don't you give up yet

When courage starts to disappear

I will be right here.

 

When your world breaks down and the voices tell you turn around.

When your dreams give out

I will carry you, carry you.

When the stars go blind and the darkness starts to flood your eyes

When you're falling behind, I will carry you.

 

I immediately began to sob big time, sitting there in the dark room, with everyone else asleep and all quiet around me.  I so needed someone to carry me through all that I was about to go through.  “Yeah I know it hurts, Yeah I know you’re scared…”  It was almost as though these words were written and sang just for me.  You’d better believe I hurt and I’m scared! I’ve never had to deal with something like this before.  It was as though God knew I needed these words to sooth my soul as I began to walk down that road which scared me so much.  “When courage starts to disappear I will be right here.”  I just kept crying and crying.  The words alone were just what I needed, and when you added that pure and magical voice, it was so calming and comforting.  As it turned out, my oldest son was the one who really did carry me through the next few months.  However, this song became my anthem throughout my cancer treatment, comforting me many times over.  And this song, sung by Clay Aiken, was there when I needed it the most, when I hadn’t a clue what it would all really be like for me down the road.

 

Little does Clay Aiken know that this beautiful song that he sang helped me so much.  I can’t even begin to imagine how many times I must have listened to it during chemo or at night when I went to bed.  It not only helped carry me through the next several months of treatments, but continues to be one of my favorite songs of his, always comforting me during times of need.