There is no joy in Merrillville,

Verona, Baltimore -

Down comes the final curtain

On this “Joyful NOT-a-TOUR”.

They’ve said farewell in Williamsport,

Detroit and Charlotte, too,

But all’s NOT well, NOT anywhere -

‘Twas as a Christmas miracle,

With magical elation;

Now comes the aftermath, and things

Are rotten in Claynation. . .

Binoculars are put away -

(They really worked out fine);

Can’t say what we were lookin’ at,

But, surely, was divine!

This star of “wonderosity”

Was hootin’ hot to watch -

We celebrate each moment spent

Well, shut mah mouth, and rid me, please

Of lewd, salacious thought. . .

I really like the new CD -

How many have I bought???

We’re grateful for the one-night stands

December has unfurled,

But, now, we’re Clayless, Clackless

In a wretched real-time world!

Well, blast it all! (the Clack, that is),

And LOUD, to every town -

Not rain, nor snow, nor vertigo

Can keep our Clayman down!

We won't soon be forgettin’,

Settin’, tipsy, on a stool,

One soldier roastin’ chestnuts,

In the spirit of the Yule!

And thank the Lord for brazen souls -

The ones who come equipped,

Who’ve got the guts to risk it all

And tell Clay he’s unzipped!

Perfection takes a lot of time,

But it deserves the chance,

And sure was lookin’ purdy

In a certain pair of pants!

Just what could be more charmin’,

As a speaker interrupts -

The MAN decked out in stubble

And doin’ “giddy-ups”!

Some people call us “Clazy”,

But, while other folks were shoppin’,

We found our gift all wrapped in cheer

And more than chestnuts poppin’!

As quickly flashed before us,

All the clickin’ and the Clackin‘,

Ol’ Santa found the “naughty” ones

Resortin’ to CLACK-jackin‘!

We’ve met the famous “J” Crew -

Does that stand for “Joyful”?, “Jolly”?

They kept Clay and the show in tow,

And did it well, by golly!

We’ve learned some new “Eye-talian” words

And shared a treat or two -

The WORD is “THUDALISSIMO” -

I know it well, don’t you?

O come, O sweet familiar tale -

The Claymates have gone down!

Our socks are filled up good and full

When Santa Clay’s in town!

I guess it’s just that time of year,

When all of us are stressed,

But, if this thing is NOT a tour,

Should I NOT be depressed?

A real class act, a one-man show -

Yo, Clay!  You’re where it’s at!

You never disappoint us fans,

And thanks for getting fat!

You’ve weathered winter’s wily woes

And, mostly, stayed intact -

Your fans will always love you,

Even when your notes are cracked!

We’ve had our fill of gossip,

Accusations, tabloid scandal,

But, truly, this depression is just

More than we can handle. . .

Don’t wanna rest, nor take a nap,

Nor sleep each day till noon -

We’ll be right here, a waitin’

For those two small words, “quite soon”!

Seems Christmas waltzed right out of here,

My dear red-headed elf,

But keep up with those daily meds,

And be good to yourself. . .

Be sure your nose is booger-free,

And, just like jolly ol’ St. Nick,

Ya’ll come back next year!!!

© 2006 Sue Cori